|Logan shorly after his birth.|
|Morgan shortly after her birth|
Thankfully, Morgan lived, and somehow I did too. The first two and a half years were extremely difficult. Among other things, I was buried by her feeding disorder, and therapy needs. Literally, nearly all my waking hours, were devoted to just feeding her. My life became this vicious cycle of pumping breast milk, bottle feeding it to her, cleaning up vomit, then starting all over again.
In the midst of this, someone close to me said, "I miss the old Kris. I am ready for her to come back." This statement was not meant to be hurtful, or insulting. It was an honest statement. She genuinely missed the person I used to be. Living in crisis mode, I hadn't had time to miss the old me.
I thought about it for a long time. She was absolutely right. I had changed. I was not at all the same person I had been. I had been through a great deal, so many miscarriages, Logan's issues, 4 months in the NICU with Morgan. My ability to see past the end of my daughter's bottle was pretty limited at the time as well. I was not available to do many of the things I had in the past. Think about it, where are you willing to take a child you are certain is going to throw up? When you spend all day, every single day just trying to get enough calories into your child, do you take her out, knowing she never eats when she is away from home? Exactly what is more important than feeding your child?